White Pieces

Even in the modern era, the long-standing rule against wearing white to a wedding—if you aren’t the bride—still applies. “White is still a no-go, unless it’s specifically requested by the couple,” says Hurwitz. “But I do think there’s nuance there. If the bride’s a little bit more chill, a white-based print is totally fine—there are so many dresses that have colorful flowers or gingham or stripes, and it’s very obvious you won’t be mistaken for the bride. If you get the sense that the bride would be deeply offended or is very traditional, I think it’s best to avoid anything that could be mistaken as white.” She recommends a “not scientific” guideline: Squint your eyes, and if your dress looks at least 25 percent white, choose something different.  

If you decide on an outfit that includes a lighter shade, prepare yourself for comments from other attendees. “If you do wear something that has white in it, you need to be okay with the possibility that other guests—typically the older guests—will not be okay with you wearing white, and so there might be some whispers around you at the wedding,” says Hurwitz.

Anything Outside the Dress Code

Whether the couple requests a straightforward, confusing, or complicated dress code, it’s your job to follow it to the best of your abilities. “If the couple’s asking for it, there’s a reason,” says Hurwitz. You don’t have to spend a fortune on new clothes; she recommends turning to a rental service for formalwear or on-theme accessories that allow you to fall in line with an attire request. “If the couple’s asking for black tie, please dress in black tie,” she says. “You don’t have to go buy a tuxedo—you don’t even have to rent a tuxedo—but at least wear a dark suit.” 

Jeans

No matter how casual you think the wedding is, leave your jeans at home. “Even if the dress code is not formal, it’s still a wedding,” says Hurwitz. “That, to me, calls for some level of elevation in your fashion. It’s a sign of respect to the people getting married, in deference to this momentous day for them. Please don’t show up in denim.” Instead, choose casual pieces that are stylish—but not stuffy—like an olive-green or khaki-colored suit. “If it’s a cowboy wedding, and you really want to incorporate denim, maybe a chambray shirt,” she says. “If it’s truly a backyard wedding, you can probably get away with a denim jacket over a dress, but I’d still rather someone wear a cardigan.”

The Wrong Shoes

The footwear you choose as a wedding guest should be intentional and practical. For a beach celebration, trade flip flops for a pretty open-toe sandal, and leave your uncomfortable heels at home. “If you can’t walk in a four-inch heel, don’t wear a four-inch heel to a wedding,” says Hurwitz. Follow any footwear instructions provided by the couple. “If they are getting married somewhere with rocky terrain and specifically say, ‘Please wear a block heel or a flat,’ don’t pull out your tallest stiletto, even if you’re really comfortable in them,” says Hurwitz. “No one wants the bride and groom stressed out because you’ve had a few too many cocktails and didn’t pay attention to the terrain—it’s about being comfortable and prepared for the event.”

A Dress That’s Too Revealing

What constitutes “too revealing” is often a matter of personal comfort, but when you’re dressing for a wedding, consider the venue. “If a couple is getting married in a religious institution, I don’t think it’s appropriate to wear something that’s super revealing,” says Hurwitz. And no matter the location, choose an outfit that shows off one of your best features—not all of them. “If you’re going to do a plunging neckline, the skirt should be longer,” says Hurwitz. “If you’re going to do an open low back, maybe the neckline is higher. If you’re going to do something short, maybe it’s more conservative up top. Choose your moment to be revealing, rather than having everything out on display.”